…we have the highly popular Danny Katz. Danny is a newspaper columnist and also writes books for children. He enjoys eating, going to movies and picking his toenails while he watches tv.
A VERY KATZY XMAS
What does Christmas mean to you? well I’m Jewish so I don’t actually celebrate it but Christmas is still a pretty good time, especially Christmas day, because I can sleep in if I want, get a nice, quiet day to myself, and I can almost always get a tennis court without booking.
What was your favourite Christmas present ever? Never got one because Santa Claus never brought me presents, he only gave things to all the other kids in the neighbourhood, he never once spared a thought for poor sweet innocent presentless little Danny Katz, he’s such a big fat meany.
If you ever had the chance to meet Santa what would you say? Why Santa, whyyyyy did you forget about me when you brought round presents for all the other kids? All my friends got gifts, new bikes, toys, stuff – but you always flew right past my house, me and the Hindu kid who lived down the road. Whyyyyyy? I did all the right Santa-loving things: I tried to be nice and not naughty for a whole year, and I sung Santa Claus Is Coming To Town with great gusto at the school assembly, and I sat on your old bony lap in the foyer of the department store even though you smelled like foot scrapings. WHYYYYYYY?
What’s your favourite Christmas song? always liked that “Ding Dong Merrily on High” one, it’s really nice, the one that goes fa la la la la la laaaaaa though I only found our recently the words are “Hosanna in excelsis”, not “Hosanna lives in Chelsea”.
What food do you always eat too much of at Christmas time?
I’m not supposed to eat ham because I’m Jewish but I remember getting invited to my friend Peter Davies house for a family Christmas lunch, and his mum brought out an enormous leg-ham and plonked it on the table and started cutting great slabs off the thing. She said “Danny, would you like lean leg of ham?” and I said “No Mrs Davies, I do not like lean leg of ham”. And she said “Try it, try it, and you may. Try it, and you may, I say”. She gave me a huge chunk, I cut off a bit, I raised it to my lips, took a taste….. and…. HEY, I LIKED LEAN LEG OF HAM! And I would eat it in a box, and I would eat it with a fox, and I would eat it in the loo, what a bad ham-eating Jew! And I would eat it here or there, and I would eat it anywhere… that lean leg-ham was so lip-smacking, I asked for more, with extra crackling!
Which reindeer is your favourite and why?
Nixon, he was a reindeer when I was a kid back in the 70’s.
If you had your own reindeer what would you call it?
No idea (no eye deer) oh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. good one.
Visit the Black Dog Books website to find out more about Danny and his fun-filled books for children.
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